Is there anything worse than being the office newbie? The evening panic about whether your brand new Zara blazer is too smart for the new place, turning up an hour before your start time having allowed for 45 minutes worth of tube delays… then you have to get through the rest of the day acting like the uber-competent person you were in the interview. And you know this is what it’s going to look like…
Not being able to take your phone out of your bag all day
Because you’ve gotta get the general vibe for what’s acceptable in this office, and you don’t want to come across like you’re anything but 100% committed to this new job and do not ever want to contact a family member or friend again.
Awkwardly offering to do the tea round (even though you don’t fancy one)
A sure way to win over your new colleagues, right? And because, quite frankly, you just desperately need something to do.
Deliberating answering the office phone
Do you, don’t you? You’ve got the gist of the answering style but, let’s face it, it’s not going to be for you, and when they ask to speak to Janet you won’t know who the hell Janet is…. just leave it and feel more awkward with every ring.
Holding in your wee until the very moment your bladder is about to burst
You don’t want anyone to think you go to the toilet too often, let alone hear your pee! Maybe twice in a day is a bit much in this office? Better not break the seal.
Reading the same document 14 times over
Because your manager isn’t ready to move on yet and you don’t want to look bored or unproductive.
Casually packing up your things between 5.30-5.35, waiting to be told to leave
You have successfully ticked off all those non-existent first day tasks, but you don’t want to come across as the person who bounces on the dot.
Bring on week 2 when you can start showing your true colours!